So it has been a couple of days since I have written. One part me felt a fleeting sensation of failure as I set out to write every day and haven’t kept up with it, then a wiser part of me is totally OK with it. I know that falling off the wagon for a couple of days doesn’t matter as long as I do get back on, I know that this blog is a vehicle to happiness and not showcase of my discipline, which should be a product of my happiness and not visa-versa. I know that the more I check-in and return to writing even after letting it fall by the wayside the more I will enjoy it and the more disciplined I will become out of joy and not out of obligation. Having this knowing feels good. The self-defeatist me of just a few weeks ago would have thrown in the towel saying, ‘well I missed 3 days, I’ve blown it now. Might as well give the whole thing up.” I can see in hindsight how skewed that logic is, how it perpetuates misery and failure. I’m glad that vision is in hindsight because this does feel much better. I’ve now shared the blog with a couple of people and even have two subscribers, this oddly makes me nervous. It’s a small audience, but still a select and very caring audience, people I know are probably actually reading out of interest and love, this is starting to make it scary to express my true thoughts and emotions but this is all part of the exercise and I’m trying to move through this feeling of discomfort because I know that growth comes out of these places discomfort. When you are stretched to your limits and you continue you surpass your own comfort you stretch, you expand, you evolve. I’m expanding beyond my own fear…although right now I’m actually just writing BS is procrastination of writing something more serious.
A few topic have been eating at me for a few days, topics I want to write about but am scared to – both because I’m not 100% certain my thoughts or feelings on them other than a niggling irritation and because they might offend or be misunderstood, perhaps by people who I love and care about.
These topics are:
1) Gender Rolls in Society and Culture.My niggling irritation is not so much at the childhood level i.e. gender neutral toys and clothing but more at the adult level. I’m talking about roles of men vs women in society, the workplace, family, something about this is chaffing my hide but I can’t quite pinpoint the issue. I bet that writing about it would help. =)
2) Something I call the ‘Us and Them’ factor, basically the belief that those that don’t believe the same things as us are destined to…something bad… and thus we need to change their beliefs to match our own to ‘save them’ or ‘wake them up’. I see and hear about this both in organized religion and in new-agey spiritual circles, I find the latter more frustrating as I identify with it more and the presence of something so contrary to my own beliefs feels somehow very disillusioning, which is funny because this feeling I describe is also somehow a version of ‘us and them’. I feel the second topic becoming a post. I will leave this now and will try and tackle the greater subject in a post of its own.